Why?

Today, I was disappointed again..as usual by him...it is always him that manage to disappoint me the most..and it would always be him that can make me angry..make me care so much....but no matter how disappointed i was or how mad i was..i just dunno how to bring myself to hate him...its not that i don't want to but i just can't..

And when i just decided to ignore him..to forget him...no matter what i cant stay away from him..its been 4 years like that...no matter what i would always go back to him no matter how i tried to forget him...like what Edward says, "You're like a drug to me, like my own personal heroin. I just can't stay away."

Even at the beginning i know that i am really angry at him, but sooner or later i would just forgive him, just like that...why? Why can't i stay mad at him? Why can't i just forget him? Deep inside i know that he is not worth it to stay friends, but no matter what i just can't forget him..why?!

Could it really be true that maybe, just maybe that it was my fault and not his, or it is just me who is acting all childish...and i know it deep inside, so i can't truly be angry at him?..why is that?...i just don't understand! What is wrong with me!? Why can't i just forget about him and move on?! Sometimes i feel like if only i could erase all traces of him from my mind, i would be better off..use a machine to suck every pieces of him that is left in my mind right out, as if i never knew him at all...

Somebody help me, please!!

The sad and sorrowful little bird deep inside me, weeping and lost, trapped, unable to be free.