The Lost Flightless Bird....

This is a blog that i have made for myself to express my inner self and my problems that i cant normally express publicly...in here i have the freedom to say what ever i want whenever i want anonymously..

Now to start off...as i am anonymous to many people, i shall nickname myself as the flightless bird..i named myself after a song title by Iron & Wine, Flightless Bird, American Mouth. I chose my name from this song is because the song and the lyrics really reflects the true inner me, of the way feel mostly, recently..

So now...a talk of how i really feel now...as the same as the name of my blog...lost flightless bird...that is how i feel a lost, lonely bird unable to fly for freedom...all trapped deep inside...weeping as it tries to reach for the slightest of hope...
Ever since my father died, i felt so alone, felt so lost, felt so trapped. I was always wondering, why is that when i was small, i was so anxious every time when i get to have a family outing with just my mom, dad and i, even for just a short shopping trip, i would feel so happy, but now..i'm not even the least bit excited of going on a vacation with my mom. But today, i finally realized, i was so excited then was because my dad was there, my whole family was there, my family was complete, i was complete. But now, i've lost my dad and so does a big part of me went with him.

Ever since my dad died, i was unable to cry, because i always remember what my sister said on the day of my father's death, is to be strong and be there for my mom. I've always tried my hardest to hold in my tears, hold in my sorrow, hold in my sadness and so for the longest time, i dint cry, no matter how painful it was, or how sad i was..i held it in, i refuse to cry, for my mother's sake. And now, i have forgotten how to cry, i am unable to cry, no matter how sad or no matter how painful. Its been two years now since my dad died, and sometimes i still dont really believe he is gone, i just feel like he has gone to a long vacation to somewhere far far away. Sometimes i would think of that day, when the teacher came to my classroom to tell me the bad news, the pain strikes again like a sharp knife stabbed into the deepest end of my heart, but yet still..not a tear drop fell. The pain, the egony, the sorrow...and yet unable to cry about it, its unbarable..

The sad and sorrowful little bird deep inside me, weeping and lost, trapped, unable to be free.